Some days I'm just plain philosophical:

I'm the favorite...

2012-02-21T21:28:00.002-08:00

When I was a kid, if you'd asked me who my Grandpa Benson's favorite grandchild was, I'd have told you that it was me.

Hello, OF COURSE IT WAS ME.

That's because he always made me feel like I was the absolute favorite and no other could ever live up to the greatness that was me. He took time for me, was interested in what I was doing, and he and my grandma came to EVERYTHING (and I do mean everything...every last painful piano recital, every school event, track meets, everything). They never missed, except when they were absolutely not able to be there.

At Grandpa's funeral, it kind of became a running joke among the visitors that THEY were his favorite.

Grandpa really had a talent for making everyone feel like they really were his favorite person EVER. He acted like you were the only person who was important to him at that moment, because you were. He gave his time freely. He was one of the most unselfish people I've ever known.

I miss him dreadfully. So much that it hurts some days. I see or hear things that remind me of him constantly and my first thought is, "Oh, I have to share this with Grandpa." And then I'm sad.

BUT

This is not a sad post or a tearful walk down memory lane.

See, I've decided that that's how I want to be remembered. I want everyone who knows me to think that they are my favorite.

I want my Beehives (the 12-13 year old girls in Young Women that I'm SO incredibly privileged to work with) to feel like I love them the very best. I want them to feel like I am totally interested in them as individuals. Because I am.

I want my nieces and nephews to feel like they are the favorite. I want them to know how much I treasure them and how much they mean to me. They're the closest things I've got to kids of my own and I want them to know that I love them as if they ARE my own. I'd do anything for those kids.

Mostly, I just want to leave people with the feeling that they were the most important person to cross my path that day.

I'm still working on it, but I think I'm kind of getting the hang of it.

What a rough night. Let's not repeat it, okay?!

2012-02-06T11:47:00.000-08:00

So I've been in the throes of a body-ravaging illness and the stuff I'm taking for it has been causing some seriously odd dreams.

Take last night for example:

For some reason, I end up in the middle of a war in France. I'm on the good-guys side, though I don't know who they are or what this war is being fought for. All I know is that my sister, Diane, and I have to get this person to safety because he holds the key to ending the war. He's a scrawny, ill-looking fellow, and I've no idea who he is. I just know that he has to be kept safe at all costs.

At one point, we're creeping down a side alley amid bursts of machine-gun fire. The shooters are strafing the wall just above our heads, as if trying to prove that they *could* hit us if they chose to. Somehow, a bullet goes astray and grazes this guy's head and he goes down. Now my sister and I have to carry him along, and he's bleeding everywhere. Luckily, it's just a graze and not a through-and-through (I watch cop shows sometimes, can you tell?!). Still, he's heavier than he looks and we're not exactly commandos. Only we are somehow. I don't know how.

Anyway, we manage to get away from the shooters by working our way through a maze of back alleys. When we come out of the alley, we see four Mormon missionaries. I know exactly what to do, because I speak fluent French (in my dream it's fluent; in real-life, it's passable). I approach them and ask if they can help us get to safety. Of course, they say yes. They take us to their apartment, which conveniently has secret exits in it. They're apparently posing as missionaries as a front for a group that's trying to get people out of the country safely.

While we're in the apartment, someone looks out the window and says that someone is approaching. Out come the guns. I look out the window and scream for them to stop, because it's my other sister, Shelley. She's limping and covered in blood. This freaks me out. I race out of the apartment (which is on the top floor, of course) and down to help my sister. She's been shot in the leg and she's bleeding everywhere. She can hardly stand at this point. I reach her just as she collapses. I manage to get her upstairs and into the safe house.

When she regains consciousness (thank goodness she didn't die), she tells us that she'd been following us for hours, trying to catch up, but the leg wound slowed her down too much. She'd been screaming for us to stop and wait for her, but the gunfire was too loud and we never heard her. At this point, I'm having some serious guilt, because I'm the oldest. I'm supposed to look out for my siblings. I'm supposed to be the one getting hurt, not them. (this is my real-life philosophy-I'll do anything for my family)

We get her taken care of, but then the lookout yells that the enemy is approaching. Apparently, they clued in to Shelley way before we saw her and have been following her. Now my family is in even more danger and it's my fault. I should have seen her, should have known she was there.

We escape through the secret passages and then my sisters disappear. They're just gone, like they were never in the dream to begin with. My brother, Lynn, takes their place. He's part of the liberation group and wanted by the enemy. I've seen his face on wanted posters, but never clued in that it was my brother. We have a happy reunion, and he gets the man we were saving off to safety.

Then somehow, Kellan Lutz is in the dream, and he's my brother's trainer. I don't know how he showed up, because I don't even like him. My mind is a weird place, I tell you.

So anyway, he and Lynn go out on a mission, and I'm waiting in a tree outside the safehouse where they'll return to. I don't know why I'm in a tree, but I am.

Darkness falls, and they return. I'm super happy to see them, but things feel wrong. I can't put my finger on it, until the Germans (because suddenly, the enemy are Nazis from WWII) burst out of the bushes and surround the house. My brother is in there. I'm screaming in the tree, but the Germans can't hear me. Neither can Lynn, because he goes into his room and falls asleep. The Germans burst into the house and into his room. He sits up, and they shoot him in the throat. He falls back on the bed, and it's like a camera panning onto his feet. They twitch for a minute, then stop. All the while, I'm screaming and sobbing.

At this point in the dream, I woke up. I had my pillow stuffed in my mouth to keep from screaming out loud, and I'd been sobbing. I had makeup tracks streaking my cheeks (I didn't wash my face last night...was too tired) and my eyes were all red and puffy. The dream was SO realistic. I woke up feeling like I'd failed my family in the worst possible way. I hate it when dreams are so realistic that you have a hard time separating the dream from the reality.

I got up and walked around for a few minutes, trying to calm myself down. When I got back in bed, I tried to dream about something else, but I was sucked back into the same dream. But this time, I revised. I'm a great dream-revisionist. I can change things if I start dreaming the same thing again and I don't like the way it's going. I can't do it the first time around, but I can in later dreams.

This time, I decided that it was going to be ROBOT LYNN who died in that bed, not my brother. My brother would have sensed the Germans coming and gotten out through a secret passage. I liked that ending MUCH better.

As the dream went on, this time I was the one in charge of saving everyone. You think I might have a hero-complex? Because I kind of think I might after this.

This time, I could open portals between reality and The Nether, which was a big empty space where place and time didn't exist. It's how I traveled and got people to safety.

AND, just when things were looking up and no one else was dying, I woke up.

Blah.

I'd really rather not have a repeat of last night, I tell you. It was exhausting and devastating and horrific. Having to watch a family member die brutally, even in a dream, is the worst thing EVER.

It's kind of making me wonder what's wrong with my mind...

Just some things that make me happy...

2012-01-23T12:52:00.000-08:00

Today was our monthly neighborhood get together, where the ladies gather for lunch. It's a tradition that started as I was getting ready to leave on my mission. They put together a really special event for me to send me off. It was a wonderful time, and the tradition has continued for these 13 years.

We take turns hosting. Sometimes we'll meet at someone's home, sometimes we go to a restaurant. Either way, it's always great food and even better company. I count the ladies in my neighborhood among my very closest friends, and I feel honored to be part of their group. I truly love it (and them) and look forward to it each month.

Whoa!

I'm a lady who lunches!

Hah!

Well, some other things that I love:

Dancing with #5. He's SO funny on the dance floor. Okay, he's 2. He does the best things. He'll start out dancing on my shoes and totally rocks out. Then he wants me to pick him up so we can twirl. He laughs his head off when we twirl. Then he wants to dance like the big kids, so he puts his hand on my shoulder & I take his other hand and off we go.

It's absolutely one of the best things EVER.

I love playing "Two Cwaws" with #3. Two Cwaws actually comes from #2, who invented it. It's our T-Rex game, where we take turns being the evil T-Rex and trying to eat the other dinosaurs. It usually involves a fair amount of tackling (on his part) and copious amounts of laughter. #2 & #3 are the best to play it with...they do all the right dino noises and are quite menacing when it's their turn to be T-Rex.

I love having very serious conversations with #4. He's 2 as well, and very advanced. He's SO funny. He's the one who could go for hours doing little tricks and saying, "I can do DEES." Hilarious. I could seriously listen to that forever. Also, he got a super ugly black fish with those huge bulbous eyes and named it 'Sonderegger'. Hah!! Love that kid.

Niece #1 loves to show me her Barbies/princesses and I love to hear her tell me all about them. She's very creative and makes up these awesome scenarios for her toys. Maybe she'll be an actress someday. She's definitely got the personality for it! I don't know if I've ever known a more outgoing little girl. She's awesome!

I love playing Battleship with #1. Also, any other game really. He's really getting into strategy and he won our Battleship Tournament. He got first dibs on the honey twist that my sister was making. Lucky kid.

I love reading books with all the kids. They crawl up on my lap and snuggle in, and we'll read forever. Sometimes we read books and sometimes I make up stories, starring them, of course. Over Christmas, they all starred in a series of adventure stories. Niece #2 ended up slaying the dragon and saving the sleeping prince. Everyone was very heroic and brave.

I love going to class. That may sound weird, but I really do love it. I love learning new things, I love getting to see my friends for those days, and I love expanding my brain. I just love feeling like I'm back on track in my life and doing something I know is right.

I love my Young Women. Really, they're one of the best parts of my entire life. Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when I got this calling. They've saved me. They were a huge part of getting me through last fall and back on my feet. They're truly some of the most amazing people and I'm grateful & privileged to know them.

And I'll admit it: looking out over a white landscape makes me insanely happy inside. I'll go to great lengths to hide it though. I do NOT like to drive in it, no matter how pretty it looks. Luckily, I learned how to drive in it so I can handle it. I just don't like to. But looking at it is happy.

And finally, my family. Yep, I love them. I love them SO much. They've been strong for me when I thought I couldn't be strong any longer, after having been strong for someone else for months on end. They filled me back up when I'd been drained (quite literally...I was a zombie for months). They loved me even when I nearly made the biggest mistake of my life. They stood by me through it all and were there to help me pick up the pieces and put them back together. The me that came through that hell is a better me than I was before it.

I fully intended to be humorous when I started this out, and ended up getting all sentimental. Ah well, it's good for the soul sometimes.

Could have been a princess...

2012-01-16T12:25:00.000-08:00

It's one of those days where I could listen to Coldplay on repeat all day long. Specifically, Princess of China. I LOVE it.

Fear not, it's not directed at anyone or anything. That's not how I roll. (It's so passive-aggressive, and I'd much rather just be aggressive if there's a reason to be...) I'm not having a bad day and I'm listening to it because I love it. That's all.

Ohhhhhhhhhh...
Once upon a time somebody ranSomebody ran away saying fast as I canI got to go, I got to goooOnce upon a time we fell apartYou hold it in your handsThe two halves of my heartOhhhhh, ohhhhh!
Ohhhhhhhhhh...
Once upon a time we're burning brightAll we ever seem to do is fightOn and on...And on and on and on...Once upon a time on the same sideOnce upon a time on the same side in the same gameAnd why'd you have to goHave to go and throw water on my flame
I could've been a princess, you'd be a kingCould've had a castle and wore a ringBut nooooo, you let me goooooI could've been a princess, you'd be a kingCould've had a castle and wore a ringBut nooooo, you let me gooooo
You stole my starLalalalalalaaaa.... [x2]You stole my starLalalalalalaa
Ohhhhhhhhhh...
Cause you really hurt meNo you really hurt me [x2]Cause you really hurt meOoooooooh no you really hurt me[x2]

Oh, stuff

2012-01-12T21:28:00.000-08:00

So I'm having a day where I'm feeling slightly random, which usually makes for some interesting blog material.

Never fear, I shall not disappoint. I shall be entirely random for a few moments.

First, I was listening to the radio on my drive home from class tonight. The new Jay-Z and Kanye song came on (which I don't like, for the record), and before I changed it, I started thinking of the bands I've seen live. There are some that I'm like, WHOA, awesomeness, and some that I'm like, Dude, I'll never again admit to this. So enjoy it while it lasts, because I'm totally denying some of these in the morning.

Probably I'll go in order of awesomeness.

U2-three times so far. Elevation, Vertigo, and 360. All amazing shows. All shows that I have on DVD and shows that will forever live on as some of the best days of my life.

The Cure-I totally got secondhand stoned at this one and it was an OUTDOOR concert. You know there's a lot of weed around when you're feeling woozy outside.

Muse-same show as above. Awesomeness. I need to see them again.

No Doubt-I don't know if they're even still together, but the 2 times I've seen them were awesome. They put on a great show.

Dave Matthews Band-I heard that Dave is drunk at all of his shows. I believe it.

Tori Amos-twice. She's absolutely amazing. If I could play the piano even 1/10 as well as her, I'd probably go pro.

The Fray-I liked them fine before, but they were really good live. I like them better now.

Bon Jovi-they may be getting older, but they still rock a good show.

INXS-even without Michael Hutchence, they were awesome. They would have been MORE awesome with him. Sad.

Weezer-see The Cure above. Secondhand stoned here too. It was indoors though, so it's more understandable. Not pleasant, but understandable. Plus, they had a horrible opening band that got booed off the stage and deserved it.

Midnight Oil-they were kind of weird. But good weird.

Interpol-I wasn't familiar enough with their stuff to really get into it. But they were good.

Howie Day-pretty okay

Rufus Wainwright-again, just okay

Kanye West-yes, I've seen him live. NO, I didn't like him. He was obnoxious even back then, and that was before his head grew to about 80 miles across.

SmashMouth-yep, even worse than Kanye. I HATED them. They totally stunk live. They're one of those bands that needs every mixmaster on the planet to make them sound good. Horrible.

Okay, now I'm done talking about bands. I think I'll talk about something else.

Yesterday, I got told that the reason I'm a B@$%& is that my eggs have rotted in my dried-out husk of a uterus.

Yep.

Someone actually said it.

First of all, I am NOT a B@$%&.

Second, my eggs have not rotted.

Third, my uterus is not a dried-out husk, thank you very much.

This is one of those situations where a raised eyebrow is a much better reaction than anything I could have said. Because I wanted to spew swear words and I'm trying really hard to not do that. So I just raised an eyebrow, gave him a death stare, and walked off. No need to justify myself to a person like that, and no need to create a scene.

(Although, afterwards, I TOTALLY created a scene in my mind where I had him lying on the ground begging for mercy while I repeatedly pummeled him with a fabulous red stiletto, only not in a Single White Female kind of pummeling. Also, I like the word 'pummel'.)

Oh, and I got some new jeans this week, because my others were all baggy in the bum, and baggy in the bum jeans are just not attractive on anyone.

Wanna know something cool?

I'm officially SMALLER than I was in high school. YES, that's right. People strive to get back to their high school bodies, and I've surpassed mine!!

WOOT!!

I'm much curvier now though. There are parts of me, which shall remain unnamed because it was one of my secret resolutions to not talk about them as much, that are not smaller than I was in high school, but that's okay. They just add to the womanly mystique that I'm thinking I've got going on.

Two different people today told me that I looked positively SKINNY. Wanna know what word was never supposed to enter my vocabulary?

Yep, SKINNY.

Now it's officially there because TWO people said it.

It kind of makes me want to do the happy dance.

Let's see...

I'm sure I have a little more random in here somewhere.

Um...

Ummmm.........

Okay, nope.

Too tired for random now.

Off to bed.

Thanks for hanging out with my randomness for a few minutes.

'Night, all.

I...I...I don't know quite what to say...

2012-01-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

(although, I did find my voice pretty quickly and put someone in their place)

So yesterday I was at a movie rental place (they DO still exist! I know, right?!) and I was browsing through the action flicks.

If you wanted to know, I'll generally pick an action film over a chick flick any day. I just love action movies. A lot.

So I'm browsing. Deciding what I want (or rather, WHO) to spend my evening with.

I overhear a conversation...

This can never be good.

1: Pathetic. Alone on a Friday night, trying to look cool.

2: Right? Clearly needs to get a life.

(I hadn't bothered to look up at this point, because SURELY they weren't talking about me. Then I made the mistake of looking up and THEY WERE LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. I rolled my eyes and went back to my browsing.)

1: Plus, hello, comic book movies?!

2: Right?! (I think this might be one of the few words she actually knows)

1: I wouldn't touch a comic book movie with a 10-foot pole.

This is where I looked up, raised one eyebrow, and gave them a look of death (it really helps when you can raise one eyebrow. I'm quite proud of this skill), which I'm quite good at when needs be, and pointed out that surely they had better things to be doing than standing in a DVD rental shop criticizing my movie choices. Then I asked if it wasn't past their bedtime.

Snarky, maybe, but I couldn't help it.

They had the decency to look ashamed, at least.

But.

Let me just say it LOUD, and you go ahead and think of me what you will.

LOVE.

Comic.

Book.

Movies.

I don't apologize for it. I don't make excuses for it.

I also don't read comic books, but that's entirely beside the point.

I just love me some superheros, okay?! There are too few of them in the world, and everyone needs a fix.

So, to anyone who feels the need to judge me for this, BRING IT.

I'm ready for you.

Me & Captain America.

It's the weirdest thing...

2012-01-04T15:17:00.000-08:00

So I've been sick, that's no big surprise. That it's a sinus infection is no big surprise either. I tend to get those. Blah.

Anyway, I thought I was starting to do better. I was feeling quite a bit better when I went to bed last night, and was actually sleeping quite well. Then I had to get up for some business, and BAM.

I nearly passed out on the way to the bathroom, and then had to crawl back to bed. I swear, the room was spinning so fast that I felt like I was going to be tossed from a ride or something. I couldn't see, couldn't get my sense of direction, almost couldn't make it back into bed I was so dizzy.

I've never had this happen before, EVER.

I've had dizzy spells, yeah, but they're usually connected to having gotten up too quickly. Not this time.

Through the rest of the night, every time I turned my head, the room would start to spin again. I didn't get much sleep after that.

When I sort of woke up around 9 this morning, I couldn't get out of bed. I called my mom (thank goodness she was home) and she came running in. She took one look and decided we were going to the doctor.

Now, I generally don't mind the doctor. Except that I don't have health insurance right now because I'm only 3/4 time at school and they don't offer it for less than full time. L.A.M.E. So I'd have to pay for it on my own. I was sure it would be too super expensive, so I tried to decline. Mom shook her head, picked up the phone, and scheduled an appointment for 30 minutes later.

Whoa. When she wants something done, it gets done.

So she helped me out of bed (SO embarrassing, btw, when you can't get out yourself because you're so stinking dizzy) and I nearly passed out. Again. Then put on a tshirt and nearly passed out. Again. Then brushed my teeth and threw up.

Gross, I know.

At this point, the nausea is starting to truly overwhelm me and we had a few minutes before we had to leave, so, being the brilliant mind that I am, I decided to Google sudden-onset vertigo.

Bad idea.

Why?

Because Google will convince you that you have a brain tumor, a stroke, cancer, a heart attack, and probably AIDS all because you're dizzy.

Okay, I'm not a hypochondriac (I'll try and convince you that I DON'T have any illness even if I do), but still. That list is a little worrisome.

So, off to the doctor we went. It was torture, I tell you, torture. Every bump in the road (considerable) made me feel like my head was going to go off in a different direction than my body. I'm surprised that I didn't throw up again on the way.

Got there, got in, waited forEVER, finally saw the doc.

All that waiting for him to tell me, "yes, you do have a rather nasty and raging sinus infection and oh, by the way, vertigo is totally connected to that. Here are some drugs."

Well, at least it's connected to the NSI and not a brain tumor/stroke/heart attack/cancer/AIDS.

Heavy antibiotics, heavy steroids, a major anti-vertigo drug, and most of the afternoon in bed later, I *might* be starting to feel a wee bit more like myself.

Here's hoping it sticks.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T13:38:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning wishing that morning hadn't come. I've caught the Martian Death Flu that plagued my pal Cissy for a long time. That is some nasty stuff, I tell you. It's the product of being smothered in kissed by the nieces/nephews over the holidays. You know what? I'll take it, because it means that I'm loved.

(not that it makes it any more pleasant to be this sick, but at least while I'm lying here in bed, I can think to myself how much the kiddos love their auntie...)

I thought it would pass quickly, because it burned out so fast in the nieces and nephews this last week.

Nope. Not for me. I'm down for the count, it would seem. At least I have another week before school starts back up. Thank goodness for small miracles!

So really, I didn't want to go to church (AT ALL) this morning. I wanted to stay in my bed and sleep this off.

But, I figured that it would be a really rotten way to start out the year, if I skipped. So I went. I'm glad I did, even though I still feel like death.

Our topic today was 'commitment'. Would have been awfully ironic to skip out on that, don't you think? :P

Also, I had to teach the Young Women lesson. I say 'had to', but really I mean 'I got to'. In preparing for it during this last week, I've come to the conclusion that I need to make some solid goals this year, with public accountability.

With that, here's my list:

1. Read the Book of Mormon again this year, both in English and in French

2. Read the Ensign each month and study the messages

3. Catch up on my French Liahona reading

4. Reach my goal weight of 155. I'm getting SO close!! I'll definitely make it this year!

5. Zumba 4 days per week and do strength training 2 days per week. Sundays off.

6. Study diligently for my classes

7. Daily prayer, morning and night

8. Earn my Young Womanhood Medallion (I earned it as a young woman, but am redoing the program as a leader)

9. Drink 2 32-oz water bottles of water per day

10. Take my vitamins daily

11. Bi-weekly temple attendance

12. Write regular book reviews and schedule posts in advance

13. Perform regular acts of service for others, both in and out of my family

14. Write letters to my nieces/nephews each month

15. Find more opportunities to be social

16. Read the Relief Society lesson weekly

17. Read the Sunday School lesson weekly

18. Read the Young Women lesson weekly

19. Daily piano practice

20. Monthly Visiting Teaching with NO misses

Okay, so 20 things might seem like a lot, but I really don't feel overwhelmed in looking at my list. I feel like it's all very doable and that by doing these things, I'll be closer to being the person that I want to be. Some of them may seem silly, like taking my vitamins, but believe me, it makes a big difference for me.

I'm really looking forward to a prosperous and happy 2012, and I wish you all the same!

Happy New Year!

Things I'm thinking about for next year

2011-12-29T13:18:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about what 2012 will be like, and wondering what steps I'll need to take to make it the best year ever.

Also, I'm claiming it, just so you know.

(but don't worry...I think there's enough of 2012 to go around, so I'll share)

I know for sure that I'm going to continue on my path to being fit and healthy. I've made a HUGE amount of progress on that, and I'm really quite proud of myself for how far I've come. I'm definitely not going to become complacent though, and let things slide. I'll keep working hard on being healthy.

I know that I won't repeat the mistakes of 2011, that's for sure. There were some doozies in there. I'd really rather not have a repeat of all that, thanks.

I'm definitely going to make time for service. These last couple of months have been full of it, and it's been the biggest part of healing from the rest of 2011. I've found so much joy in serving others. I'll keep that on the list for 2012 for sure.

I'm going to work harder in school than I ever have, and try to keep a 4.0 GPA throughout the year. I'm also going to complete all of my coursework and prepare to student teach in 2013.

I'm going to study my scriptures and work harder at my relationship with God. I feel like I've made progress in that area, but I still have a ways to go. I'm making it a priority. I've learned in 2011 that He really is on my side and knows and loves me. I'm going to keep trusting Him and letting Him lead me down the path that is best for me.

I'm going to cherish each moment with my family and not take any of them for granted.

I'm going to read lots and lots of books. (duh)

I'm going to be a better person, all around. Happier, more spiritual, more fun, and just better. I realize that I'm a pretty decent human being, but I also know that I can definitely be better.

I'm going to finish my two books that I've already started writing and get the third outlined and started.

I'm going to try and remain positive and look for the good all around me.

I'm really confident that 2012 is going to be a great year. It is so full of promise and mystery...I can't wait to find out what lies ahead!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you're having a wonderful day today. I know I am.

(And also, this post was written in advance. I'm taking today off from the interwebz.)

You know, it used to be weird for me as a kid when Christmas fell on a Sunday. I didn't really understand the whole meaning behind it, so I didn't like having to go to church. Now, I look forward to it. Going to church on Christmas morning is one of my favorite things.

I thought I'd share some of my other favorite Christmas things today:

Christmas Movie: How The Grinch Stole Christmas. I just love how it starts out with Mr. GrumpyPants and then he ends up carving the roast beast. I love how his heart grew and he started loving him some Whos. It's just such a great message and I love it. Plus, nostalgia.

Christmas Song: Home for the Holidays, Perry Como version. Especially when my entire family is here for Christmas.

Christmas Book: The Little Match Girl. This is where I'm going to get a little bit sentimental and weepy. Every Christmas Eve, for as long as I can remember, my mom's parents have come to our house for dinner and a special program. Every year, my grandpa read Christmas stories like The Gift of the Magi, The Christmas Doves, and The Little Match Girl. My favorite was The Little Match Girl. It's such a beautifully sad story, but the real reason was always listening to my grandpa tell it. He was a theatre man and did the stories just exactly right. There was never a peep during his turn. He died 4 years ago and I miss him so much. I can't read/hear the stories without getting a little weepy, but I love the memories they bring. I love remembering my beloved grandpa through stories...what better way to memorialize someone?

What are some of your Christmas favorites?

Spreading a little Christmas Cheer

2011-12-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

So we wanted to go caroling as a family this week, with everyone home. Sadly, it's been SO cold. January cold. It was way too freezing to go around the neighborhood, so we went to an assisted living center instead.

My grandma lives there, and we thought it would be nice to go caroling over there. We prepared a short program and took ourselves on the road. I have to say, I thought it turned out quite nicely for being so last minute.

The little kids sang some fun songs and got to ring bells, my sister (Shelley) accompanied me, Diane, and McKenzie (Evan's wife) on the ukulele while we sang Mele Kalikimaka.

As a side note, did you know that it says 'Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way' and not 'a wise way'? We didn't know that until today. Weird.

Then Mom, Diane, and I sang 'Breath of Heaven' while Shelley accompanied...on the organ, no less! They don't have a piano and the organ didn't have a piano stop. She sounded great though.

Then we did some sing along songs and the residents who came out enjoyed singing along. Mom and McKenzie did Angels We Have Heard on High and sounded fabulous.

I think my favorite part was doing the Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McLachlan version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlement. Lynn played the guitar for that one. It was a blast to do! (We were going to do Last Christmas, but I don't like that song)

Anyway, the residents seemed to enjoy the evening, and I felt really great for having gone over there. My grandma was pleased to have us and show us off to her friends, and it was nice to visit with her.

Now on to Christmas Eve, with the huge dinner and big program that come with it. My favorite part this year? The kids are going to act out the Nativity and Nephew #5 gets to be the donkey... will be hilarious.

Also, my other grandma is going to spend the night and she's going to sleep in the same room with Shelley and me. Sleepover fun!

Hope y'all have a very Merry Christmas!

These are a few of my favorite things:

2011-12-21T20:34:00.001-08:00

I've discovered some new favorite things this week. I love it when that happens.

Anyway, here they are:

Nephew #5 watching The Grinch and calling out 'it's the GWANCH' whenever the Grinch comes on. I could listen to that all day long. Seriously awesome.

Niece #1 running into my room while I was getting dressed and saying 'oh my gosh, you're so incredibly beautiful!' Yeah. That made my day for reals.

Nephew #4 looking out the window and saying 'the lights are coming in da house wight now'. SO cute!!

Delivering holiday treats...except when the recipients aren't home! It's okay...I'll be making a fresh batch tomorrow and will try again.

Homemade pasta. Delish.

Having hair long enough to French braid again.

Seeing the nephews gently arranging the nativity (the one they can play with) so that Baby Jesus is surrounded. They told me it's all the people who love him. AWWWWWW!!! They melt my heart, I tell you!

Those are just a few of them. I bet there are loads that I'm not thinking about just now, but they'll come.

What are some of your favorite things?

Kermit-flails ahead...you won't blame me and you'll surely understand...

2011-12-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

It might have been a few days since I posted a video. I couldn't help myself with this one. I guarantee I'll be in line for the midnight showing next December. (Is it next December yet? Please say yes!)

I also may have Kermit-flailed every time I watched...which was not a few times. I also might have swooned at every appearance Richard Armitage (Thorin Oakenshield-I bemoan your fate, my fictional dwarf love!) makes...and also the other hot dwarf who remains nameless in my brain because I was too busy swooning over him. (I think it's Kili)

Let it be known that I am a Lord of the Rings fan to end all Lord of the Rings fans...I live and breathe the stuff, I tell you. I adore it. I love it. I can quote it endlessly (book and film). Because Peter Jackson is heading this project, I can guarantee that it won't disappoint.

With that, I give you The Hobbit:

Overwhelmed, but there's a cure for that...

2011-12-19T09:19:00.000-08:00

You know, I'm usually not the person who gets overwhelmed at Christmas time. I usually have all my gifts taken care of before Thanksgiving. This year has been an exception to all of my rules across the board. *sigh* So I'm left feeling completely overwhelmed and rushed right now.

I've tried to be a better person all around, not focusing on the past, but on the present and future. Though I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned in this past year for anything, I do so wish I could have learned them a different way. I'd never repeat this year, not for anything. But that's neither here nor there. The year happened, I learned stuff, I know what I'll NEVER do again, I'm moving ahead. The last couple of months have been dedicated to getting myself back and healing from the rest of the year. It hasn't left much time for proper planning.

If you know me well, you know that I *hate* being without a good plan!

I know, I need to be more spontaneous...working on it!

So, in the spirit of keeping the true spirit of Christmas, I decided to eliminate all but the absolutely necessary, for both time and financial reasons. I'm trying to be good all-around, so some things had to go.

This year I'm not sending out Christmas cards, though I hope to reinstate that tradition next year. It just wasn't possible this year. I feel bad, because I've received some fantastic ones, but I know that everyone understands and we all have years where we need to cut back.

I tried to do homemade and heartfelt gifts this year. Luckily, I'm very crafty and I have loads of supplies on hand from past projects. I took my time and made sure that I put some of myself into each project. I'm still doing the massive baking projects, because I love to do those. They don't take anything but my time really, and I do have that in abundance. Plus, I also love to deliver them to dear friends in the area. (Watch out, y'all! I'm coming!)

I've tried to focus more on the spiritual side of Christmas this year. I've been reading my scriptures (especially the New Testament, where it talks about Christ) and the Ensign (the monthly magazine for the LDS church, containing spiritual articles from our leaders and others) for inspiration. Wanna know something? I feel way less overwhelmed after having read those than if I skip.

*note to self: maybe don't ever skip*

So I guess the lesson to myself is that I need to be focused more on the things that really matter, rather than the things that are fleeting. I'm trying to do more for others instead of focusing on myself. I'm working on it and finding that I'm a much better person when I stick to it.

Here's to a more relaxing Christmas season...

Well, this is what it comes down to...

2011-12-17T11:43:00.000-08:00

I've been working on getting rid of lots of 'things' in the last few months. I don't need stuff to be happy, I've discovered. Part of the ridding process involves getting rid of all my old fat clothes. I spent an hour or so this morning going through everything (and I do mean everything) and tossing loads of stuff.

Some 'before' pictures of my closet project:

(Yes, I do organize my closet by color...)

(Also, that blue dress edged in silver is an Eowyn (LOTR) costume that I made one year. It's way too big now, but I can't bring myself to get rid of it.)

The 'After' pictures...it looks like I have no clothes anymore!! Don't worry. Those empty spaces will fill up soon enough.

My piles of stuff to get rid of. It's a lot of stuff. Kind of feels good that it's not in my closet anymore. Yay for no more fat clothes!!

I filled 4 large trash bags with clothes to donate to a local thrift shop.

Now, why did I have to do this?

Because I went from THIS:

To THIS:

(These last 2 pictures are about 4 months old, but I didn't feel like suiting up and taking a new one.)

You know what it took? Lots of hard work, dedication, and determination. Hours of Zumba (not hours a day, mind you, just hours total), a sensible eating plan (nothing is off limits...if I want a piece of candy, I can have it. It works for me because if you tell me something is off limits, I immediately want it and lots of it), and a vision in sight of what I wanted the end to look like. I'm not quite there. As you can see, I have some work still to be done in the thigh region, and I'd love my arms to be more toned. I'm not going for skinny, because I've been there and UGH. Skinny does not look good on me. Curves, all the way, baby!

I have about 15 pounds to go before I'm at my final goal...this after losing over 100 pounds in a year and a half.

This may be cliche, but I'm telling you...slow and steady DOES win the race. Since I started my plan, I haven't gained back anything and I don't fluctuate. Not even at certain times of the month.

So the moral of the story? If you have a plan, stick to it and you'll be happy with your results. I know I am.

*dances off singing 'Sexy and I Know It'...*

What kind of mother will I be?

2011-12-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid y'all are going to have to bear with me for a little bit. I may get a little weepy over this, but it's something I've been thinking a lot about and I wanted to share some thoughts. It's a subject very dear to my heart, and one that has a tendency to make me a little emotional.

I went to a Relief Society dinner tonight (that's the ladies' organization in the LDS church) and we had an absolutely phenomenal video presentation about Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ.

When I think about Mary, I think of her like this:

I think of her as a mother who loved her baby more than anything and who would (and did) give up everything for him.

In the video, my friend said that not only did Heavenly Father give up His Son...so did Mary.

I hadn't ever thought about that before, but it's true.

It makes me wonder what kind of mother I'll be, when I finally have that opportunity. I was meant to be a mother, I know. Someday I will be, in whatever way that comes.

I like to think that I'll be the kind of mother that Mary was...the kind of mother that my mom is.

The kind who would rather suffer than watch her children suffer. The kind who is always there for her children and who would do anything for them. The kind who would go without new shoes/clothes/whatever so that her children didn't have to. The kind who her kids are a little bit embarrassed by because she still kisses them in public.

I want to be the kind of mother who inspires trust and love in her children. Someone they can turn to for anything. Someone who isn't afraid to be the parent and set boundaries, and yet someone who can be a true and loyal friend. I want to be the mom who has the neighborhood kids congregate at her house because it's a safe haven, a place of peace and comfort.

I want to be the kind of mother that Mary was, because she was a jewel among women, truly blessed of the Lord.

If I can be even 1/10 of the mother she was, I'll have truly succeeded.

A little piece of awesome...

2011-12-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

So this has been kind of one of 'those' weeks. You know the sort. I've been toying with getting sick (I think the drain of the entire year has finally caught up with me), so I haven't felt like doing much. I spent yesterday in bed mostly, just reading and trying to not be sick. It didn't work so well.

I thought today was going to be more of the same, which it has been mostly. Still fighting the flu (yuck), but tried to get out and get a couple things done.

Then I came home to THIS:

I won my pal's blog giveaway, and this was my prize.

LOVE

Seriously, LOVE.

Thank you for making my week, Lou!!

Some FAQs...yes, I actually have them.

2011-12-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

Really, I don't think I'm cool enough to have FAQs, but I've been getting them. And they're SOOOOOOO incredibly random and awesome that I have to share. I used to have a comment form that people could fill out, and these all come from that...thankfully, none of the questions are from people I actually know, because I think they already know these things about me and it would be weird if they were asking.

So without further ado, here are the FAQs I've had:

1. Are those really your cheekbones?

They're referencing this picture:

Yes, dear friends, I assure you that these ARE my real cheekbones. I haven't any augmentations of any sort, as I'm not a firm believer in silicone.

They're just visible now that I'm not fat anymore.

2. Are those your real eyes?

Yes, this was actually a question that I got.

And yes. These are my actual eyes.

I think what they mean is, do you wear colored contacts. NO, I do not. Remember how I don't believe in fake? That applies to eye color as well. My eyes are naturally hazel - mostly green with gold flecks and a jade-colored rim around the iris, though they do change intensity based on what I'm wearing and if I've been crying.

3. Do you really wake up in the night and wonder what would happen if our lungs were in our eyeballs and expanded as we breathed?

Yes.

4. Are you religious?

I don't know why I get asked this. It's not like I make a secret of the fact that I'm Mormon. I'm not preachy about it, but I do reference it and I'm not at all afraid to talk about it. If you have questions, I'm happy to answer them.

5. Are you really writing a book?

Yes. Two actually, one fiction and one non-fiction. I'm sure there will be more in my future, because my dream is to be a writer.

6. Would you consider yourself a geek?

Extreme geek is more like it. I'm undefeated in Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. (and not because I've never played anyone...I've just beat everyone I've ever played.)

7. What's your favorite movie of all time?

I know that you're expecting me to say something extremely geeky, like Star Wars or Harry Potter. The truth?

Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

I LOVE that movie to infinity and it's one that I WILL actually start over as soon as I've finished and watch it again.

8. What's your relationship status?

Happily single right now, but always looking.

9. How tall are you?

Odd...I don't usually ask strangers how tall they are, but okay... I'm 5'9". And I like wearing ultra high heels which put me over 6'.

10. You seem to be fascinated with weird things.

Well, that's more a statement than a question, but we'll go with it.

Yes, yes I am. I like to look for the quirky in life. And I prefer quirky, not weird.

11. What's your favorite band?

Really?! You have to ask this?!

Hello, U2 FOREVER!!!

12. Who's your favorite actor/actress?

Hmmmm...if we're going on looks alone, it would be Ben Barnes or Michael Fassbender. Hello, hotness. If we're going with acting chops, it would be Ian McKellan, Sean Bean, or Patrick Stewart. Not that those guys aren't attractive, because HELLO.

Actress, probably Kate Winslet or Cate Blanchett.

13. What's your favorite book?

I cannot declare that. It would be like choosing amongst one's children, which would be wrong.

14. What's your phone number?

Hahahahaha! Nice one.

Yeah, freaky potential stalker, like I'd give that out.

15. What size shoes do you wear?

We're getting a little personal now, aren't we?

Size 9-10, if you must know. Depends on the shoe/manufacturer.

16. What are your hobbies?

That's more like it.

Reading, writing, crafting, sewing, singing, piano, cooking, baking...to name a few.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone in particular right now?

Um....skip.

18. What's your room like?

Very much like a library. A library with clothes. And it's spotless. I know, my siblings would never believe that, but it's true. AND, I make my bed (including decorative pillows) EVERY SINGLE DAY.

19. What do you do for makeup?

What, do you mean like buy it? Steal it? Borrow it? I buy it, of course.

As for wearing it, I usually just do a little eyeliner and mascara. For special occasions, I'll toss in blush and shadow. I rarely wear foundation.

If you'd like tutorials on how to apply it all, check out my FASHION BLOG. In the House of Style section, I have links to past posts.

20. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I think someone has a shoe/foot fetish that they're taking out on me.

Let's see...upwards of 30, but probably less than 50. I haven't counted in awhile and I've slowly been getting rid of some.

I think that's all I'm going to post. I've had others, but they're not that appropriate for a public blog. I may make an FAQ page and add to it as I get other questions in.

So, what have I learned about FAQs?

There are a lot of weirdos out there, who have waaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands.

That's all.

I've been thinking...

2011-12-07T21:19:00.000-08:00

And NO, it's not the kind of thinking you should be worried about, where I start to wonder (usually at 3 am when I can't sleep) what life would be like if our lungs were in our eyeballs and expanded as we breathed.

(Hah! I knew I could get something quirky in there.)

Anyway, what I was really thinking about was Hawaii.

Why, you may ask?

Well, because today is Pearl Harbor Day, of course.

I've been there, and it's an amazing place. Probably one of the most spiritual places I've been, and considering that it's packed with tourists, that's saying something.

Knowing what happened there made it a solemn experience. Knowing that thousands of young men and women went to their deaths there made it sacred.

I was there on Mother's Day in 2004. I called my mom from Pearl Harbor. I just needed to somehow be close to her then. I needed to hear her voice and know that everything was okay.

I took my time at Pearl Harbor. I didn't want to dishonor those who died there by rushing. I read every plaque, looked at every picture. I felt like it was my duty to somehow get to know each of the people who were there that day. I read every name on the wall out at the USS Arizona. I whispered their names, hoping that somehow they'd know that they were appreciated. I'm sure onlookers thought I was a crazy lady, but I'll take a little crazy any day.

I've thought long and hard about Pearl Harbor today, and World War II as a whole. My two beloved grandfathers both served in WWII, one in the Army and one in the Navy. I'm so proud of them for what they did. They've both passed on now and I miss them every single day. I wish they were here right now. I'd give them both a huge hug and tell them how much they mean to me.

Luckily, I didn't ever skip the opportunity to do just that while they were alive, so I know that they know.

In thinking about my grandpas and Pearl Harbor, I also was thinking about the military as a whole. I have some good friends/family in the military. I'm so proud of them. So thankful for what they do. So grateful that they spend months and years away from their families so that I don't have to. So grateful for the thousands upon thousands of people who sacrifice for this country, and by extension, for me. I do take that personally, and I'm grateful to every single one of them. I need to tell them more often.

So John, Jason, Brett...thank you.

And to finish up (and prove that YES, I really was in Hawaii and I'm not just making this up), here are some pictures of Pearl Harbor. And some very large men.

You're not allowed to laugh at this picture. It was 7 years ago when I couldn't do much with my hair because it was humid, for pity's sake! I've changed my ways, I swear!

These guys were large. Very large. Also, if you wanted to know, my friend married the shirted fellow. I did not marry the shirtless man. Obviously.

Some sweet stuffs...

2011-12-05T11:39:00.001-08:00

You know what takes a bad day and makes it all okay?

Free stuff.

I got lucky this weekend and won some stuff around the blogosphere.

From my pal, Scarlett, I won something Star Wars themed. I don't even have to tell you how excited I am for that. I. Adore. Star Wars.

Then, in a readathon I was doing, I won a book worth $20 from the Book Depository. I've heard only good things about The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, so I picked that one. I'm so excited to read it!

And I won a copy of Bloodlines, by Richelle Mead. I don't really love her books, but I don't hate them either, so I'll read it and then pass it along.

Then, a friend of mine through the blogosphere told me to be on the lookout. Ooh, this can only mean one thing:

FREE BOOKS

You see, this particular friend is in the publishing industry and he's been supplying me with books for the last year. I get packages at least once a month with cool stuff in them, and he said that after Christmas, I should be watching for some rather large boxes.

OOH!!! Excitement!!

I don't have to tell you what free books mean to me...

The zombies got me...

2011-12-03T16:09:00.000-08:00

I dunno...it's just been one of those days again. Started out fine, with a great singing practice, but then it just kind of fell apart.

Wanna know what's weird?

I can't even pinpoint why, when, or how, but all I know is that it just did.

Boo.

So, because I'm having a poo day, I'm going to give you this to make up for it:

nom nom nom

2011-12-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

If you wanted to know, today is Zombie Apocalypse Status Day.

Why yes, I AM celebrating. Thank you for asking.

I don't know why I'm such a fan of zombies. They're disgusting. I don't really do disgusting, and yet, there's something about zombies that draws me. Mostly in books, because I don't actually *like* to see them. Movies are definitely out. But I'll so read about them.

Unless there's a love interest. I'm sorry. Zombies don't have brains, so they're not capable of higher processing skills like love and redemption.

This one time, I read a book about a really disgusting zombie who had maggots for eyes. (sick, right?!) Apparently, he wasn't all the way gone, because he also had a conscience. While I appreciate the need to branch out, DON'T GIVE ZOMBIES REASONING SKILLS. Part of the reason they're zombies is that THEY DON'T HAVE ANY.

All they want is braaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnnsssssss, right? That requires no reasoning.

And really, the love interest bit? Drives me crazy in zombie novels. I reaaaaaalllly don't want to think about zombies kissing and stuff, especially after they've nommed my brains. Yeesh.

And with all that, I'm going to give you some hot ones, because I like all of you and I'm cool like that:

Oh no

2011-11-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

You guys.

I've discovered Pinterest.

I know.

I've been signed up for a looooong time, but never did anything with it. Then my friend started a new crafty blog and linked to her Pinterest profile, and well, that's that.

If you're so inclined, you can find me on Pinterest HERE.

You can also find my friend's awesome blog HERE.

Just don't blame me when you become addicted...

Of the day's annoyances...

2011-11-19T09:36:00.001-08:00

I know, I know. It's a little early for annoyances. But I have one.

Okay, so stop right here if you don't want a bit of TMI, because I'm about to go there.

So, I can go for a long time during the day without having to visit the restroom. This is even though I drink a lot of water. I stop drinking anything by about 7 pm though, because I don't want to spend all night awake.

BUT

It's like the second my head hits the pillow, my body is suddenly like HEY! YOU HAD A DRINK TODAY!

And then I'm up all night.

GAH.

I'm so annoyed! You'd think that after such a long time of being a major water drinker, I'd be used to it.

But no.

We're so in the YOU HAD A DRINK TODAY mode.

(Imagine that in Jim Gaffigan's voice, in the sketch where he talks about cake-watch it and prepare to laugh yourself silly...would you get away from me?!)

Hmph.

Blast from the past:

2011-11-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

Last night was closing night for the local high school's performance of Footloose. I went, along with my parents and my grandma. My cousin was in the cast and we wanted to see her.

Footloose is one of my all-time WORST musicals EVER. I hate it. Really, really hate it. Hate the movie even more.

BUT.

These kids did a phenomenal job. They were amazing and I found myself enjoying the performance a lot. Some of those kids, whoa. Their voices were top quality and I could see them going places. The lead had an Adele-quality voice. She was awesome.

So why was this a blast from the past?

Well, for one thing, I USED TO DRESS LIKE THAT and it wasn't even a joke or a Halloween costume.

*hangs head in shame*

Yes. I did the huge hair, the leg warmers over tight pants and with heels, the day-glo colors, the t-shirt slides, the hip belts. Don't forget jelly shoes, jelly bracelets, and charm necklaces too. Yep, did all those. I was AWESOME.

(And if you wanted to know why I chose this particular photo (courtesy of guardian.co.uk) of Bonnie Tyler, it's because I used to have that haircut. Also, it looks like she has a lightsaber poking through her head, which rocks. Also, I wish I had a lightsaber. Only it would be violet, not blue. Blue lightsabers are SO overdone. And really, I want a red one, but then that would mean that I was a Sith, and I'm SO Jedi.)

*sigh*

To my everlasting embarrassment, at one point, Yes. I was a child of the 80s.

And the music. Oh, the music!!

By the time the heartfelt rendition of "Almost Paradise" came on (and believe me, it was SO heartfelt), I was laughing so hard I couldn't stop. I'm pretty sure I had a few dirty looks tossed my way, but I couldn't help it! That song will forever hold a place of something in my heart because I REMEMBER DANCING TO IT with a guy from my church ward.

Oh, the awkward church dances, where you danced at stiff arm's length and didn't really want to be there, but you were because all your friends were and it was the only thing to do that night.

Then there was "Holding Out for a Hero," which also brings back high school memories. A friend and I choreographed a dance routine to this. And it shall never EVER see the light of day. Yes, I still remember it and break it out from time to time.

(The Hero dance wasn't NEARLY as awesome as the one that my childhood BFF and I did to MC Hammer's U Can't Touch This. Yeah.)

Seriously guys. Last night was epic in it's walk down Memory Lane. Oh, the high school days. Even better, the junior high days.

The 80s were awesome.

Developments...

2011-11-14T11:51:00.001-08:00

Let me put on my best newscaster voice for a moment...ahem...

And in a brand-new development, Miss Ems has decided to go back to school to complete her teaching certification!

Yes, you heard that right. After taking the summer and fall off, I'll be going back to Idaho State to finish up my teaching certificate. I'm SO close to being done (5 classes + student teaching), that it felt like a big, fat waste of money to not finish.

And really, the education situation has got to get better. It's pretty bad right now, but I really think it's going to improve. There are kids out there who need good teachers, and if I may indulge in a bit of bragging, I will be a good, no great, teacher. I love working with kids and it will be what I make it.

I'll still be writing like mad, blogging like mad, and reading like mad. Because you know me...those things usually come first! :P

I'm excited to get back in and get one step closer to being done. I'll be student teaching a year from January, so it's a lot closer than it seems. WOOT!!

Here's to being a perpetual student again...

Evil Overlord Rules

2011-11-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

I found this online a long time ago. Can't remember the site, but the author is credited.

Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

by Peter Anspach

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This" and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBMs and Macintosh Powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size. Unfortunately obsolete.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Oh, Saturday.

2011-11-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

So today is one of those days. You know, the kind where you want to just curl up in a comfy chair in front of a roaring fire, with an awesome book, a cup of hot chocolate, and your favorite comfort blanket. Well, I don't have a roaring fire, but the rest, CHECK.

It's a blizzard outside right now. Welcome to Rexburg Idaho, where if you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes. Seriously. It changes that often.

PLUS.

I was going to be an awesome person and go rake up leaves for my dad. He has a sweeper that he hooks up to the back of the mower, but there are places where the sweeper can't reach. So BAM. That's where I come in.

Only, as soon as I got an area done, the wind would pick up and blow it all back in. After 3 times of raking the same spot, I gave up. Now it's all snowed in anyway, so there will be no leaf sweeping today.

Maybe Monday. It's the thought that counts, right?

Anyway, I'm sequestering myself in my room until I get to 22,000 words on my novel. I take Sundays off, so I don't want to get behind.

To help me out, I have my very most favorite mug in the entire world, filled with delicious mint hot chocolate.

I'm ready!

Star Wars mug, for the win!!

Also, I might go play ninja for awhile. It's one of *those* days too.

A new enterprise...

2011-11-09T12:51:00.000-08:00

Because I absolutely love blogging and would totally do it full-time if I got paid for it, I've created a new blog.

Living Fabulous

Because you know, I love fabulosity in all shapes and forms!

This new blog replaces my old writing blog, which totally wasn't functioning the way I hoped it would.

Now I just get to share fabulous finds and tips with y'all and help everyone be a little more fabulous! We all have it in us and sometimes, we just need a helping hand to find it. I'm totally all over finding the fabulous so you don't have to.

AND:

It'll try and be budget fabulous too. Because I know I don't have a celebrity paycheck and chances are, most of y'all don't either.

So, head on over and visit me (and follow too if you want!) at Living Fabulous!

(It'll also be updating posts in my sidebar, so you can keep up if you so happen to desire...)

Girls' Night Out

2011-11-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

So tonight my mom, sister, and I went to the Golden Dragon Acrobat performance up at BYU-Idaho.

WOW.

All I know is, I do not bend like that. If I tried, I bet I'd break off at the waist and that wouldn't be a pretty picture at all.

They were insane. Holy cow. Amazing.

The whole performance was pretty much a reminder of my two-year nephew, who does the funniest thing: he'll say, "Can do DEESE" and then stick his arm/leg/finger/head/bottom out in a weird way or he'll wiggle his feet or do something else funny. Then he keeps doing it.

Yeah, the whole time, I was thinking "Can do DEESE" in my head with every number they did.

I'm pretty sure that this one girl had opposable thumbs on her feet, because she was juggling a big old urn thing (careful, might be Ming!) with her feet and she didn't drop it once. Then she switched over to juggling a coffee table, because apparently, a big urn thing isn't difficult enough.

Then there was this guy who did the chair tower of death and I was pretty sure he was going to fall off and die or something, but he didn't. They were good like that. All sorts of death defying feats and not a death among them.

And then.

The absolute funniest thing EVER.

Except that I don't think it was supposed to be funny.

Really, it was the costumes that made it funny.

Two guys, nude suits with exaggerated muscles painted on, and painted on MAN THONGS.

Hello, awkward costumes!

They also wore these funky mask things, because hello, I wouldn't want anyone to be able to see my face either if I was wearing a painted on man thong. Which, of course, I wouldn't be, considering that I am not a man.

They did one of those insane displays of strength that totally blew my mind. People aren't supposed to be that strong, I tell you.

But the funny part is that they kept on doing these Mr. Universe poses where they'd look menacing in opposite directions. It was almost choreographed. You get to a certain point in the music (which I will totally discuss in a second, because whoa) and then STOP. Face left and look menacing.

And now, I shall call down fire from heaven upon all of you.

Seriously, that's totally what their faces looked like.

Well, the part of their faces that you could see underneath the funky mask thing.

And the music.

The music!!

I bet they weren't counting on anyone in the audience speaking French, but hello, I do. And it was one heck of a nasty song.

I'm a little surprised that it got past the event committee, considering the institution hosting the performance, but maybe they didn't speak French either.

It was all that slow, sensual type music (very suggestive, especially with the stuffs the guys in the painted nude suits were doing) and the translation, well whoa.

I'm not going to post it, but rest assured, whoa. Nastiness. I was pretty glad that my mom and sister don't speak French.

Nasty song and nude suits aside, it was an awesome performance. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be trying some of it at home, so when you next see me in a full body cast, you'll know what happened.

At least I won't have broken off at the waist.

Here are a couple of videos from YouTube. There are a bunch more and they're all awesome.

The sad age of reality TV

2011-11-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

I have a bone to pick with you, America.

I want to know why you feel the need to inundate us with very bad reality TV at every possible hour.

I want to know why talentless hacks can be making millions of dollars for DOING NOTHING while the average American is struggling to put food on the table and pay the bills.

I want to know why a 72-hour marriage is newsworthy for weeks and why some people appear to be surprised that it ended. Hello.

I want to know why people get famous for making sex tapes and “accidentally” releasing them. Oops!

I want to know why, when young starlets are going to rehab right and left and doing all sorts of crazy things, they’re still making public appearances as if they’re role models.

(I suppose they are, if you want your daughter to end up as a freaked out crack addict.)

When did we stoop to advertising for a best friend through a television show? Last time I checked, real friends are the ones still around when the cameras stop rolling.

Why do we need to almost see wardrobe malfunctions every time a certain Jersey crew go anywhere? Why are they even famous? Do they have lives outside of making themselves absolutely ridiculous?

Why do we need to ‘keep up’ with anyone? Why is that family so much more important than the rest of us? Sorry, but they hold no fascination for me. I’ve never seen a single episode and never plan to.

Why is it okay to parade toddlers around in suggestive clothing, while making them do provocative dance moves? AND ALL THE WHILE THEIR PARENTS CHEER THEM ON FROM THE WINGS?! Are they begging the area pedophiles to please come trick or treating at their houses? For the love!!

Also, don't even get me started on the "Real" Housewives of anything. I think they're all giant animatronic Barbies sent from Saturn to slowly take over the world and turn us all into brainless automatons.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s the knowledge that somewhere, someone out there is a worse train wreck than the rest of us. Maybe it’s watching someone else’s drama play out on TV that makes our own seem less awful. I really don’t know.

What I do know is that the collective IQ in America has dropped by a significant percentage thanks to this.

If you want to impress me with your skills, bad reality stars, go start working at a soup kitchen without cameras and without a plug for your crap show. Go work with Habitat for Humanity and don’t tell them who you are. Go volunteer at an animal shelter and get some dirt on you. Go visit kids in a hospital without announcing it to the world. Go be a good person for reals and not just for television.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-reality TV in its entirety. I even like some reality stars (like the Food Network stars. I really like those peeps. They make me happy. They also have higher IQs than the average reality star.) I’m just totally against the sort that makes the rest of the world secretly laugh at us and plot to take us over.

There are shows out there where actual talent is showcased. There are shows where people work to better their communities and make a difference. Those are totally not on trial here.

Just the ones that make us all a little more stupid each day and a little more likely to start spelling words that should be spelled with a C, with a K.

Sadly, I don’t see an end to it anytime soon. The most garbage seems to get the highest ratings. America, I fear for you someday. What will you do when your collective IQ drops into the negative?

I'll tell you what's going to happen: you're going to see people start spelling 'America' as 'Amerika'.

I think I’ll move to the moon.

Happy Halloween! (a day late)

2011-11-01T09:38:00.000-07:00

Halloween came and went, and we had a record 13 trick or treaters! It might be because we live on a dead end street, with just a couple street lights on the highway exit ramp...at any rate, our street is kind of a horror movie waiting to happen because of location! One of these days...

I went to a party on Saturday with my mom. She was Cleopatra and I was an Andrews Sister with a thing for skulls. I like skulls. I bet the Andrews Sisters did too.

On Monday, I decided to dress up again, because why not? So I did the pirate thing. I didn't manage to get much of a picture, but oh well.

Anyway, here are some pics of the two nights:

(I LOVE this headpiece, which can't be called just a headband because it's so huge and epic. And also, I can only wear it on Halloween. Alas!)

Wanna know something? I used to wear my makeup like the pirate EVERY DAY. Didn't matter where-I even did it for work. I sometimes miss those days. I don't wear much makeup anymore. Supposedly this means I'm maturing. Or just lazy with makeup.

Also, next year, my sister and I are doing a Day of the Dead theme for Halloween and we're going to make ourselves flamenco dresses and do tons of research so we're totally authentic. Should rock! We'll go to loads of parties and stuff. It'll be awesome.

Hope y'all had a safe and fun Halloween!

A milestone and some bragging

2011-10-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

So today my mom decided that she wanted to take me shopping. She said that because I've lost so much weight and because of how proud she is of me for choices that I've made, she wanted to do something. So we went downtown.

Now you have to understand, Rexburg hasn't had much in the way of women's shopping for a very long time. But we just got a new clothing store and everyone is pretty stoked about it. We decided to go give it a shot.

Went in, found some things, decided to try them on. Everything was TOO BIG. I'd picked the XL size, because hello, I've been more than XL for so long and the habit dies kind of hard.

So then I picked up some of the L size. Most of that was also TOO BIG. Hello!!! I never thought I'd see the day when a L was too big!! The sweater that I really really liked drowned me in the L size.

The thing to keep in mind is that this was NOT a plus-size store. This is a regular store and we were in the regular ladies section.

It's good for my ego, I tell you what!

I ended up getting one sweater in L and one in M. Medium!! MEDIUM!!! I AM A MEDIUM!!!

(THIS is the one I got in M (black) and they don't have the other one. It's ruby red and gorgeous.)

This was never going to happen in my lifetime, so I'm pretty excited.

Here's the deal. When I weighed in this morning, it became official that I have lost OVER 100 LBS. That's kind of huge! (literally and figuratively)

It's been a lot of hard work, a lot of Zumba (which is hard work but also loads of fun), and eating right. No fad diets, just smart choices.

I am now WELL under 200 lbs (not just under-well under!), and only about 15 lbs away from my goal. When I first started, losing that much felt like the impossible dream and I was sure I'd never make it. Now with only 15 lbs to go, I can't believe how far I've come. I haven't put any back on and my healthy habits are deeply ingrained now. It's definitely a lifestyle for me and one that I'll easily be able to keep up.

I've drawn inspiration from a lot of people and they're all amazing, wonderful, incredible, etc. I'd start naming names, but I'd forget someone and then I'd feel bad. But y'all know who you are (ahem, all my Spark Ladies!) and you're totally part of this.

So really, GO ME!!

The search is over...

2011-10-26T11:47:00.000-07:00

I have finally chosen a Halloween costume.

I know, breath a collective sigh of relief.

After much deliberation, I have decided to go as one of the Andrews Sisters from the 1940s. I'm pretty excited about it, as it's a total departure from my usual pirate wench.

I have nothing against pirate wenches, mind you, and if Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow showed up at my door in need of one, I'd oblige. Well, to a point. Even a pirate wench has to have her standards.

Going to a Halloween party on Saturday, which should be a blast. I've got my mum convinced to go as Cleopatra. That will be awesome. Now if I could just get my dad to go as Marc Antony. That would rock. Seriously.

In other news, I'm writing like a maniac, and hoping to have my Mr. Men book out soon. I'm sending it off to my writing instructor on Saturday for some critiques and improvements. I'm pretty excited about it. It's the chronicle of my dating debacles from the time I started dating until now. Not everyone is included, just the really spectacular whoa guys. And details are changed so that people can't recognize themselves. Don't wanna cause them problems or anything.

Still working on my YA Paranormal as well, though it's kind of stalled. I need some major inspiration. I've been reading a ton, hoping that the bug will strike me again. I have some things I need to tweak in the story, because I don't want it to be like everything else. It's gotta be unique, you know!?

Let's see...what else?

Ummm...still looking for jobs, found my dream apartment, still working with the Young Women in my ward and loving it, trying to find ways to get to more author signings and also purchase more books...

Yeah, that's about it.

Just some random thoughts. I know, you love me when I'm random!

2011-10-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, I am NOT planning on seeing the final Twilight movies. Remember how I used to love Twilight?

(Remember how THIS post is all about that?)

Well, I don't love Twilight anymore. In fact, I'm on quite the opposite end of the spectrum. I rather despise it and suffer much shame for having jumped on the bandwagon initially.

Okay, I don't suffer from shame, but still.

But I have to tell you something.

I cannot truly abhor something that gave us this:

Supermassive Black Hole

(sadly, the embedding feature has been disabled, so you'll have to link it.)

(Also, the red suit!! THE RED SUIT!! I am dangerously close to being madly in love with Matthew Bellamy, Kate Hudson notwithstanding.)

(Except that I think I love bass players way more than guitar players. For example: Guy Berryman {Coldplay-delish!} and Chris Wolstenholme {Muse-hello hotness!} and Adam Clayton {U2, of course, and my one true love!} They make my blood boil!)

Also, I am thinking of chopping my hair off. And by chopping, I mean really, really chopping. Or maybe these, only not blonde. I'm a terrible blonde.

Also, I adore Carey Mulligan, if you wanted to know. She might be one of my favorite actresses. If you don't know her work, find a copy of Northanger Abbey. Brilliant! (Plus, it's also home to my most excellent and strongest crush EVER: Henry Tilney. If perfection exists, it's Henry Tilney. And J.J. Feild, who plays him.)

I also realized that I've been blogging for over 4 years now. I should host a blog party or a giveaway or something. Let me think about that.

Until next time, mes amis!

My real self.

2011-10-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Today I reached a milestone...

I wore my fabulous skinny jeans IN PUBLIC.

And they looked hot, if I do say so myself.

Black skinny jeans tucked into knee-high black riding boots with a grass-green tunic and cream sweater with a scarf. Flipped out hair, black headband with a huge bow. Liner and mascara on the top lashes only. Very Euro-chic and totally me.

My real self is very European (very French, actually). European with a heavy side of scifi/fantasy geek in there. Bohemian meets Star Wars. Yep, that's my real self.

My real self watches Star Wars/Star Trek/Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter marathons and thrives on them. My real self listens to Vivaldi concertos while secretly wishing I had the sheet music and could play along. My real self sings along with the radio in the shower. My real self reads nonstop and rejoices in finding a treasure of a book. My real self has so many stories in her head that they'll never all get out. My real self has high hopes and dreams and a plan to achieve them. My real self is perfectly happy with my life right this second. My real self is ambitious and motivated and a bloody hard worker who goes after what she wants AND GETS IT.

My real self is no longer dependent on the approval of others. My real self no longer relies on numbers to feel good. My real self is proud of who she is and where she's been and where she has yet to go. My real self is super independent and her own person.

I think I'd almost forgotten my real self. My mojo got lost somewhere along the way and I've been working these last few months to find it again.

I think I'm getting closer! Good thing...my real self rocks and I've missed her!

Welcome back, real self!

I gotta wear shades!

2011-10-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

So I've been looking for jobs in the Salt Lake area, along with apartments and transportation options. I found my dream apartment. The place is off a major freeway exit, has a train station right behind it, and is set up like an Italian villa. Um, heaven a little? Yeah.

I checked out the floor plans and I'm in love. Seriously. There's plenty of room (2 bedroom, 2 bath) plus lots of storage space plus a garage plus animal friendly.

Does it get any better?

Not for a renter, I tell you.

I've decided I'm going to live there. I just have to get the awesome job first so that I can afford the $859/mo price tag. (I know, I know...it's not that much in some places, but considering the area, it's a lot. Things aren't as expensive in the Mountain West.)

I'm also going to get 2 cats. 2 is better than 1 and you really don't want to come home to what a bored cat can do. I'm going to get one boy and one girl (neutered and spayed, of course) and name them Igor and Minion.

Yes, if you wanted to know, that does make me laugh somewhat hysterically.

They're going to be awesome cats too. VERY well behaved and trained.

I might be somewhat delusional about that last bit.

Anyway, what I can see of the future is bright indeed and I'm SO looking forward to it! I can't wait to be back in Salt Lake and meeting new friends and having a seriously awesome social life!

(Also, I accidentally broke the earpiece off a pair of Chanel sunglasses...normal sunglasses wouldn't bother me, but these are Chanel and $$$. Do you think I can try to fix them?)

Adventures in Shuttling...

2011-10-11T20:17:00.001-07:00

Remember how crazy things seem to always happen to me? Yep, I’m at it again.

I had quite the adventure in shuttling recently. I caught the bus to Salt Lake City at 9:35 in the morning, expecting to pull in at Temple Square promptly at 2:30 in the afternoon. That’s already an hour and change longer than what it usually takes me to get to SLC, but my car is elderly and probably couldn’t make the trip.

Anyway.

Got my own seat, thank goodness. I hate sharing seats with strangers (though you will see that this changes later on) because you never know what you’re going to get. This one time I was riding a bus down to ISU and a lady sat next to me (read: ON ME) and kept farting and she was sweaty so it left a dampness on my leg. SICK. That’s what you sometimes get from strangers. No thank you.

Anyway again.

We got our Idaho stops out of the way and headed for the Utah border. We made it about a mile south of Malad, just north of the border, when the van started making awful noises. We pulled over and the driver checked the engine. It was making the worst sound and I thought we should probably not try to go any further. But he decided to go a little bit and turn around and try to get back in to Malad. You can guess how that worked.

We got turned around and made it about a mile. The engine just stopped. Stopped cold and wouldn’t even turn over. We coasted for a bit and then stopped. The driver called the dispatch and they said the only option was to wait for the bus following us, about an hour and a half behind.

Yeesh.

People started to panic, which didn’t surprise me. One lady was going to Hawaii and had to catch her flight at 3. Well, she probably should have given herself a little more time to get to the airport, right?! Yeah. She allowed half an hour. Ridiculous. Another lady started screaming at the driver that it was all his fault and he should give her money and blah blah blah. The rest of us told her to pipe down. Seriously, it was just one of those things.

Crazy screaming lady ended up getting out of the van and gathering her luggage and then HITCH HIKING along the interstate. First of all, illegal. Second, hello stupid. Third, goodbye crazy screaming lady. The rest of us may or may not have applauded when she left. (she did eventually catch a ride. We watched. She also got downpoured on. We cheered.)

While the rest of us waited for the big bus, we all got talking and sharing backgrounds and where we were from. There was a guy from Germany, so we talked about Europe for awhile (if you know me well, you know how much I LOVE Europe and would totally live there someday). He was fun and we all had a good time.

So then the big bus finally gets there and we get back on our way. At this point, I had to share a seat, and I shared with a completely delightful older lady from Idaho Falls who is also a member of my church. We talked about church things the whole way to Brigham City for our fuel stop and compared memories of Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho). It was actually a lot of fun, even though I don’t usually like sitting near strangers. She was completely awesome and we had a blast.

Oh, before I forget…this was a bus with a restroom on board. Certain genders are disadvantaged when it comes to being stranded and needing to really use the bathroom. It’s not like I could just go pull up a bush or something. Lucky guys could, and they did. Not fair. So when the big bus came, I made use of the restroom.

Holy cow. Talk about craziness. The bus was bouncing like crazy and the water in the toilet was sloshing and I had to brace myself like crazy. At one point, I almost got thrown out of the restroom with my pants off. Hello, how awkward would that be?! I didn’t want any of the toilet water getting on me so I had to be creative and long story short, I was finally successful. But probably won’t take advantage of a bus bathroom again. Nightmare that almost ended in me mooning the entire bus.

So we get to Brigham City for a fuel stop. We had a few minutes to run inside the gas station to take care of anything we needed, and then we headed back out. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, a guy came running out of the station and just barely made it. The driver came through and asked if everyone was there and no one said any differently. We kept on going down the road.

About 20 miles south of Brigham City, the driver slams on his brakes and we come to an emergency turnaround. He took it so fast and so abruptly that the bus was fishtailing and swerving all over. It was so scary. I thought we were going to tip over for sure. As it was, we did hit the emergency vehicle only sign and knocked it over. Yeesh!!

Headed back to Brigham City and then we found out that we’d left someone behind. Good grief. We pulled back into the gas station and this guy came stomping out. He was MAD. I don’t blame him. He got on the bus and was shouting. I couldn’t tell what he was saying because he was foreign and I couldn’t understand his English very well.

What I can’t figure out is why the guy he was sitting with didn’t say anything when the driver asked if everyone was on board. For the love.

So finally we get to Salt Lake and the airport. Everyone got off there who needed to and then we headed downtown. Pulled in to Temple Square 2 hours later than we were supposed to. I was beyond exhausted and so ready for a nice long nap. My sister in law and niece and nephew picked me up. Niece #1 was asleep, but Nephew #4 was awake and kept saying ‘Aunt Emily is here’ and then he’d point out flowers along the way and tell me their colors and stuff. SO cute. Made the whole shuttle debacle worth it.

So now I’m in Salt Lake for awhile and I’m not sure when I’m going back to Idaho. I might stay a couple of weeks or I might head back to Idaho at the beginning of the week. I don’t have anything set in stone right now, and that’s how it should be. I’m relaxing, taking time for myself, looking for jobs, and having a good time with my family.

Just exactly what the doctor ordered.

(also, because I've been asked, no, I am no longer with The Man and that's all I'm going to say about it)

My Sorting experience

2011-09-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

So y'all know that I'm a rabid Harry Potter fan. Rabid as in, if we're waiting in line for a midnight showing, I will totally AK you if you try to cut in line. None of this saving spaces rubbish, thanks. And yes, I do, in fact, realize that I am a nerd. A major nerd and that's okay. Nerds will one day rule the world and you'll all wish you hadn't made fun of us because we will make you suffer in ways that you never dreamed. Star Trek marathons, anyone?

Anyway.

So remember how I got to be one in a million? Over the course of September, the million Pottermore beta testers have been being let into the site. I got my owl yesterday, and I was SO excited. I was thinking I'd get it one day before the rest of the world got in, and where's the fun in early access if you're only in one day early?!

One of my friends started an event on Facebook where all of us Potterheads would video our Sortings. So, in the spirit of things, here is my video:

There's kind of a lot going on there, once I get through and get Sorted. See, I always identified with Ravenclaw because of their brains and the fact that they probably devour books like I do. But Hufflepuff?!

Never once in my years of being a Potterhead have I identified with Hufflepuff. It seems like they always kind of got the short end of the stick in the Harry Potter world, kind of the leftovers if you will.

BUT.

I'm learning things about Hufflepuff that make me excited to be there and make me think that JKR knows what she's doing.

But still I was having some identity crisis issues. Ravenclaw! I'm a Ravenclaw!

So I kind of needed some cheering up. Here's an excerpt from a message I got from a good friend:

"I see so much of all the Houses in you. You're a walking unity. So I mentioned how much you read and he said "Ravenclaw. Totally." but then I protested that and let me tell you why.

Ravenclaw (I have considered writing a blog on this for my friends who didn't get Ravenclaw but I don't want to offend the ones that did.) seems to be a limited House. Yes you have to be smart to get in there, but it seems that's all you have to be. Very very smart people come out of other Houses too - they have more qualities than brains. Such as you. You have a very nurturing nature. This is a very important quality for the Huffies. My sister wanted Ravie but ended up in Slytherin. She is very smart, but she is also a very ambitious person and think that's why she got the snake instead of the eagle. I really think Huffie is a good place for you - and let's not forget the Goblet of Fire chose a Huffie as the representative. That shows they have very skilled Witches and Wizards."

With that, I've determined that I'll be the very best little Badger that I can be. Thinking back, I wouldn't answer any of the questions any differently. I did them as honestly as I possibly could, so if JKR says I'm a Hufflepuff, then Hufflepuff I shall be...loud and proud!

(This message brought to you by the Nerd Association of America)

Entering the Final Countdown

2011-09-23T08:32:00.000-07:00

And because I sometimes want to be cheesy like that, here is a video for you:

And what are we counting down to, you may ask?

Well, because I'm nice like that, I will tell you.

Vacation in DC, that's what! Almost three weeks with The Man, that's what else!

And why yes, I AM marking the days off on my calendar if you wanted to know. Big purple Xs. My calendar is getting full of them and it makes me happy!

As of now, I have 13 days, 14 hours and some minutes to go.

But who's counting?!

Birthday Wrap-up

2011-09-19T19:55:00.000-07:00

Today has been a pretty fantastic day. I was pretty overwhelmed by the awesome birthday wishes I received on Facebook and Twitter. You all sure know how to make a girl feel special! Thank you!

I had to go in and get my driver's license renewed today, and when I came upstairs, my mom told me that I'd better go out and check my car. She said it had been vandalized. My first thought was, "Crap. I can't afford to fix it!" Well, this is what I found this morning:

Pretty sweet, huh? I'll take that kind of 'vandalism' anyday. I don't know who did it, but whoever you are, you made my day. Thank you! I'm totally going to leave the curly ribbon on the antenna until it blows away. It makes me happy.

Then it was on to other things, including surprise packages from dear friends, phone calls from friends and family and The Man. Then it was helping with the salsa today. I'm an excellent bottle washer and salsa stirrer, if you wanted to know. :D (tomorrow, I'm bottling peaches. I'm extra good at peaches.)

Then dinner, which was a barbecue with my family, including my grandma. And then, because I don't like cake, my birthday donut:

I don't really like donuts either, but I can live with the bismark ones. Plus it's sometimes fun to have something other than cake for your birthday. The last two years, I had peach pie. Beats cake anyday in my book!

And of course, I had to think of a good wish. It was a really good one. And NO, I'm not telling what it was or it won't come true! I bet you can guess though. :P

I'm *really* good at blowing candles out. Especially when there's only one!

And just because. This is me at 35. Wait. 29! I said 29!

As far as birthdays go, this has been a pretty fantastic one. Definitely not just another day, and definitely a day to celebrate.

Thank you so much to everyone who helped make it a grand day!

Today is a rather big day.

2011-09-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

Why, you may ask?

Well, it's my birthday!! I'm 29!

(Which I realize kind of contradicts the tagline of my blog, but that's neither here nor there.)

So, in honor of being 29, I'm going to tell you 29 things about me that you always wanted to know. Because I'm cool like that.

Image Source: http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profile/Roger730?xg_source=activity

And now, without further ado, my 29 things:

1. I am the oldest of 5 kids.

2. I always wanted an older brother.

3. My brother-in-law, Chris, is totally the older brother that I always wanted.

4. I also always wanted to be 6 feet tall.

5. I am not 6 feet tall.

6. I have a huge collection of books.

7. I also collect vintage-looking clocks.

8. And calendars.

9. I love to travel.

10. I've lived outside the USA, which was fantastic both times.

11. I'm completely, totally in love.

12. I would live at Disneyland if it was allowed.

13. I adore Harry Potter and I *will* go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter sometime.

14. I also completely adore Star Wars.

15. I have never been defeated in Star Wars Trivial Pursuit, which yes, I do own.

16. I have friends who may be able to defeat me.

17. I look forward to that death match.

18. I don't like math, but I can totally do it.

19. I would love to own an original Monet.

20. Monet is my very most favorite artist.

21. I collect art history books.

22. I have a truly amazing family.

23. This family includes the 7 greatest kids on the planet.

24. I might be a little bit biased about that.

25. I really don't care. They are the greatest.

26. I am one in a million. Literally. HP fans will get that. Others will wonder.

27. I am writing two books. One fiction, one nonfiction.

28. I'm a little bit OCD about my closet. It MUST be arranged by color.

29. I think I might be able to live on hot chocolate alone. Some weeks would prove that.

There. Don't you feel that much better for knowing these totally random things about me? I know I do.

Well, at least he was nice...

2011-09-17T20:23:00.000-07:00

So you know how I got this job that involves phone calls?

So I was calling today and got this guy. Can't say why or where, but he had an accent. A very defined accent.

After I explained why I was calling, he very politely declined to participate. He stated that he wouldn't do it for his momma, he wouldn't do it for his daddy, and (this is verbatim-I wrote it down because it made me laugh) "honey, even though you have the sexiest voice I ever done heard, I ain't gonna do it for you neither baby."

I admit it. I laughed right there, and said, "Well, thank you for declining so uniquely and for making me laugh!"

He laughed back and said I could call him with my sexy voice any old time I wanted.

No thank you, sir, but thank you for the one bright moment in my work day.

Oh, the guilt!!

2011-09-16T09:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you know the drill...log in to Facebook and immediately get bombarded with status updates that make you feel like you're the worst person on earth if you don't repost it. Cancer patients, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, whatever, they're all represented.

Well, just so you know, I don't do those. Ever. Don't think I'm a bad person, please. I donate to causes that I support, so I think that's gotta count for something. I just don't do the guilt tripping.

(For the record, I feel the same way about email forwards that say you have to forward to 10 people if you love them, blah blah blah)

This one was too good to pass up though, so I Tweeted it:

The hobbit you just called fat? He's skipping 2nd breakfast. The dwarf woman you called ugly? She spends hours braiding her beard so you can differentiate her from a dwarf man. The Uruk-Hai you just killed? He's been abused by Saruman. See that Gollum creature with the gangly limbs & large eyes? For 500 years the Ring poisoned his mind. That Elf you just made fun of for crying? She just lost her wizard friend to a Balrog. Retweet this if you're against bullying in Middle-Earth.

Waaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Are your days ever like this?

2011-09-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Yeah. Me too.

In Which My Bestie Has A Birthday...

2011-09-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

Today is my very most bestie Kim's birthday. She's, uh, 29. And dangit, 29 looks great on her!

In honor of her "29th", I'm going to list 29 things I love about her:

1. She's incredibly loyal

2. She'll do anything for her friends/family (and HAS, I might add)

3. She squees over the same fangirly things that I do

4. We squee together over fangirly things

5. She introduced me to 100 Monkeys and I totally dig them (not as much as she does, but I don't think *anyone* digs them as much as she does)

6. She rocks horizontal stripes

7. Her cats have sweet names: Gage and Sadie-cat

8. She loves cats

9. She's always been there for me, no matter what

10. We celebrate together, we rejoice together, we mourn together, and we overcome together

11. She's totally into Harry Potter, just like me!

12. We can make fun of ourselves together

13. When we Skype, she brings Gage and Sadie over to chat too

14. She's a diehard fan of the Dallas Cowboys...even if they're having a bad season. No fair-weather anything in this gal. (See #1)

15. She's a Virgo like me, and together, we shall rule the Earth. Don't argue it, just accept it.

16. She's a fantastic motivator and exercise pal

17. She's my soul-sister...sister by choice...sister of my heart

18. We were totally meant to be besties.

19. We met on SparkPeople, weathered a lot of nasty storms, left SP together, and remained as close as ever.

20. Even if we don't talk every day, it doesn't matter. We're still absolute besties

21. I can always count on Kim, no matter what

22. She has the best laugh ever

23. She indulges my love of even geekier things than Harry Potter (like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc)

24. She shares a love of reading and we can talk about books we've read and know exactly what we're talking about

25. She gets my whole concept of 'man points' without me having to explain

26. She adores cupcakes and especially cupcakes with sprinkles.

27. I can be myself with Kim, and she can be herself with me

28. She's been my confidante since day 1 and can be trusted with ANYTHING. Anything, I tell you!

29. She's my very most bestie in the world and I love her to pieces!!

Happy Birthday, Kim!! Hope it's the very best one yet! Love you forever!

Source: http://www.thecupcakeblog.com/lemon-drop-cupcake-with-sprinkles/

Source: http://www.slashfood.com/2006/03/26/food-porn-chocolate-cupcakes-with-rainbow-sprinkles/

Image Source: http://www.thecupcakeblog.com/4th-of-july-sprinkles-cupcake/

Well, I got a job

2011-09-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

And what I want you to do now is solemnly swear that if you get a phone call from someone who wants you to take a survey, you'll take it!

Yes, folks, that's right. For the next 3ish weeks, I'll be doing phone surveys. After months of searching in vain, a friend was kind enough to help me get set up for this temporary position. I've done phone surveys before, and as much as I hated it, I'm grateful for this and that I'll be able to bring in a little money.

In other news...

Okay, I have no other news.

Remembering

2011-09-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's fun to remember things from childhood. Sometimes it's a little weird though, especially when you grew up in my family.

We might be a little quirky.

For example:

One of my fondest memories is of jumping on the trampoline and playing games. One of our favorites was 'Old Mrs. Ghoul.' One person was Old Mrs. Ghoul, and they'd lay flat in the middle of the trampoline. The rest of us would jump circles around Old Mrs. Ghoul and chant a little song:

Old Mrs. Ghoul lies dead in her bed,

Eating green boogers and soda pop

Awaken, awaken, please awaken.

She would then 'awaken' and try to catch someone with her eyes closed. Whomever she tagged would be the next Old Mrs. Ghoul.

Fun, huh?!

We also had loads of fun trying to get each other to say bad words. When my brother and I were little, we'd camp out in the backyard in a little pup tent (which smelled like cat poo and had suspicious stains. I'm still not sure why we ever used it.) and try to make each other say swears. He'd say something like, "I'll say 'sh' and you say 'it'." It would inevitably end up that one of us would use the whole word and the other would laugh hysterically and threaten to tell. We did the same thing with 'shampoo'...I'll say 'sham', you say 'poo' and then laugh because someone said 'poo.'

What can I say?! We were kids!

Then there was the "I smart fella; you fella smart" gag that we always fell for. Try saying that really fast and just see where it ends up. My dad got a huge kick out of that one.

Speaking of which, he tried it on Shelley last night and it totally worked. Hilarious!

Also, before we had our own trampoline, we were at the mercy of our neighbors. We'd go ask if we could jump at different houses. Fun times! I'm wondering how many of the olden day neighbors remember having to pull weeds or recite a scripture for one house? :D We got smart eventually and would go to one of the other houses so we didn't have to work for our fun.

I've also been remembering the days of the old neighborhood parties. Oh, such fun! Loads of good food, lots of playing with the other kids, and just good times. We had a neighborhood party on Labor Day, and it brought back a lot of very happy memories.

I feel very blessed to have grown up in this neighborhood, among some of the best people on the planet. We really look out for each other and make sure everyone is taken care of. Very good people to grow up around.

What are some of your favorite childhood memories?

Truth be told...

2011-09-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

I learned a very important truth yesterday:

Candy that you buy at the dollar store TASTES like the dollar store.

I'm gagging.

I also learned that I get very annoyed when people at the post office ignore the 'PLEASE TURN OFF CELL PHONES' sign and continue to have very loud and inappropriate conversations. Thank you sir, but I really didn't want to know what you had planned for when you get home.

Gagging again.

Let's see...

I learned that I can get what I want in about 95% of situations.

I learned that my car is indeed possessed, as the mechanic put it.

I learned that I'm pretty sure that people who buy cameras on eBay get what they deserve (one that I sold, not one that I bought...and I did fully disclose every single thing about it, so really, it's his fault that he's unhappy)

I learned that I am capable of more love than I ever thought possible.

I learned that contemporary YA fiction isn't quite as scary as I'd thought, though the next book I have scheduled to pick up terrifies me. It's about eating disorders and that's a little too close to home.

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, let it be known that I am indeed in a very serious relationship with the most amazing guy on the planet. His name is The Man. I love The Man.

That's all.

In which personal hygiene takes a turn for the worst

2011-09-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you know how sometimes things happen just because you know that someday they're going to happen and you're totally terrified that they will?

That happened today.

Also, remember how I'm terrified of spiders and will go to all lengths to avoid any meaningful and not meaningful contact with them?

That happened also.

They're connected.

So this afternoon, because I am a great believer in personal hygiene, I was taking a shower. I was minding my own business and certainly not bothering anyone, which is just how a shower should be.

Anyway.

I'm standing there lathering up my hair, when all of a sudden, something drops in a big blur and LANDS ON ME.

If you guessed that it was an abnormally large spider, you'd be absolutely right.

Yes, ladies and gents, a ginormous spider dropped from the ceiling directly into my cleavage.

Now. There are just some things that should be off limits to spiders, and I must say that the ladies maybe top the list. I DO NOT WANT spiders hanging out with the girls, thank you very much.

Spiders these days have no respect.

Also, when I say that it was ginormous, it was probably the size of a pencil eraser. HUGE, you see, HUGE! At any rate, big enough to devour me, I bet.

And this nasty thing was hanging out on my chest for all it was worth and it took some pretty serious shower gymnastics to get it off and down the drain.

And if you wanted to know, I was screaming like a little girl the entire time. That might be the downside to having the downstairs bathroom.

No one came to my rescue. I could have been being eaten by a gigantic mutated spider/worm cross and no one would have known.

Luckily, I'm pretty tough. (If by tough, you mean that an eraser-sized spider sends me into mass hysterics) I used a loofah to get it off and force it down the drain, where it was followed by huge quantities of burning hot water.

DIE, SUCKER, DIE!!

Also, that loofah will never be used again, just so you know.

A girl has to have standards, after all.

My guilty pleasure movies

2011-09-05T09:36:00.000-07:00

My good friend Lou did a post where she listed her favorite guilty pleasure movies. Since she's willing to come out of the movie closet, so am I...

1. The Dark Crystal. Honestly, can anything top The Dark Crystal for sheer weird geekiness? I doubt it. And yes, I can quote it backwards and forwards and I watch it at least twice a year. (Look, if you saw my movie collection, you'd understand why I can only get to it twice.) Puppets at their odd finest here, with really weird voices and weirder animal sidekicks. Fizzgigg, anyone?! (also, Shelley and I can imitate Kira's animal calling with an oddly terrifying accuracy...KAMALEYAH!!) Gelflings! Skeksis! Mystics! Podlings! Garthem! Any movie that has an entire race called Podlings is good in my book.

2. Spaceballs. Double entendres aside, this has to be one of the most quotable movies ever...'I'm a mog...half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!" Really, does it get any better than that?! I love movies that make fun of other movies, even if said other movies are up in my very most favorites of all time list.

3. Both Bill & Ted movies. And I hear that they're making a third, and hello, I will totally be there for that one.

4. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This may not be a guilty pleasure for some, but it kind of is for me, because it's completely out of character. I don't do crude humor (refuse to watch Will Ferrell/Adam Sandler/Chris Farley movies), so this one kind of surprises me that I love it like I do. But there you have it. I love it. I can quote it up and down too.

So the verdict is officially in. I am a geek and I'm loud and proud baby!

GOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!

2011-08-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

I kind of feel like a Brazilian soccer announcer when Brazil has just scored a huge goal against Argentina or something.

It's because my friend Katie is a genius.

A real, certifiable genius, I tell you.

Why?

Because last night she came over to chat and told me that you can add any phone number to your Sprint plan for a small fee per month and have unlimited talking.

WHAT?!?!?!

Man, I wish I'd known about that a lot sooner (as in beginning of the year sooner) because my cell phone bills have been HUGE. (It's totally worth it because The Man and I talk A LOT, and if the add a number option wasn't available, I'd totally still pay those bills, because there's no way in hell that I'd cut our talk time back.) Huge as in almost $100 a month. That's kind of a lot of money when you don't have a job and have been having to rely on selling crap on eBay to make it. And then your stuff isn't selling very much and people are backing out of bids, but that's another blog post.

ANYWAY

Since I have these huge phone bills, I figured it couldn't hurt to call the Sprint kiosk and find out more about this saving-me-bundles plan.

IT'S TRUE

If you're on the BYU-Idaho Sprint plan, you can add a number to your account for $4.62 per month and have unlimited minutes. Hello, why would anyone NOT do this?! It's beyond me.

So I've added The Man's number to my plan and kissed huge phone bills goodbye. And also maybe made a little shrine to my friend Katie for her genius idea. Okay, no shrine, but still.

Genius.

Musings...

2011-08-26T13:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I get a little bit nervous when I can only think of 'Musings' for a blog title. I know, I know. I bet you do too.

Today, I was musing about trees and ironically, the power company showed up to deface ours.

They're hideous, I tell you. I can hardly bear to call them trees anymore. More like parodies of trees. And that is no laughing matter.

They kind of look like someone took an ice cream scoop to them, only without making a nice, symmetrical scoop. Yeesh. You'd think that they could at least even them out. But no. We end up with this:

The not-so-laughable bit is where the power company says in their little warning pamphlet that properly pruned trees will end up looking like this. Properly!? I beg you, tell me which school of tree pruning did your tree-butcherers attend? Because these are not properly pruned trees.

I'm seriously annoyed.

A break maybe?

2011-08-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

Nah, just vacation. Been having fun, which leaves me no time to blog. That's okay because I haven't had the usual blog-worthy starings and gropings happening.

Until today, of course.

While visiting the BYU Creamery, the guy behind the counter couldn't stop staring at my chest. Yep, another one of those. He tried to cover it by saying that he's a huge U2 fan as well (I'm wearing a U2 tour shirt today), but the size of the single scoop I ordered belied that. Yep, totally staring at the ladies. Good thing I'm used to it by now, right?

Besides.

I totally benefited from it and got huge scoops of ice cream.

(not that I wanted huge scoops, mind you, but at least something came out of the staring, right!?)

And it was fun to go on a short trip down memory lane and see some of the old BYU haunts. I miss those days sometimes, so a reminder is good.

Plus, the J-Dawgs are still as completely awesome as they were when they first started back when I lived in Provo.

Some things never change.

(Plus, laughed the hardest that I have in a very long time because of some seriously hilarious kids-holy cow, they almost made me cry, I was laughing so hard!)

Some days I'm just plain philosophical:

I'm the favorite...

What a rough night. Let's not repeat it, okay?!

Just some things that make me happy...

Could have been a princess...

Oh, stuff

I...I...I don't know quite what to say...

It's the weirdest thing...

Happy New Year!

Things I'm thinking about for next year

Merry Christmas!

Spreading a little Christmas Cheer

These are a few of my favorite things:

Kermit-flails ahead...you won't blame me and you'll surely understand...

Overwhelmed, but there's a cure for that...

Well, this is what it comes down to...

What kind of mother will I be?

A little piece of awesome...

Some FAQs...yes, I actually have them.

I've been thinking...

Some sweet stuffs...

The zombies got me...

*nom nom nom*

Oh no

Of the day's annoyances...

Blast from the past:

Developments...

Evil Overlord Rules

Oh, Saturday.

A new enterprise...

Girls' Night Out

The sad age of reality TV

Happy Halloween! (a day late)

A milestone and some bragging

The search is over...

Just some random thoughts. I know, you love me when I'm random!

My real self.

I gotta wear shades!

Adventures in Shuttling...

My Sorting experience

Entering the Final Countdown

Birthday Wrap-up

Today is a rather big day.

Well, at least he was nice...

Oh, the guilt!!

Are your days ever like this?

In Which My Bestie Has A Birthday...

Well, I got a job

Remembering

Truth be told...

In which personal hygiene takes a turn for the worst

My guilty pleasure movies

GOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!

Musings...

A break maybe?

nom nom nom